To Refuse The Refuse

Posted on Sat Jan 29th, 2022 @ 10:55am by Captain Devin Hadenbeer & Lieutenant Commander R'elle

2,028 words; about a 10 minute read

Mission: Into The Void
Location: Cargo Bay Three

R'relle found Hadenbeer in one of the storage bays. Clad in a pair of coveralls, she was rooting through a crate. A small red cat watched curiously from a perch on another crate, a small fuzzy ball in its mouth. Hadenbeer glanced up, noticed the cat, and gently took the ball from the cat's mouth. She tossed it back into the bay and the cat dashed off after it...

"Hello captain. Who is your friend?" R'elle looked at the cat.

Hadenbeer glanced over at R'relle and obviously struggled to keep the distaste from her face.

"That is Marta," the captain explained, "My cat. I try to get her out of my quarters and keep her active. She is actually pretty clever."

The cat returned with the ball, hopping onto the top of a crate near Hadenbeer's head. But then let it fall out of its mouth when it regarded R'relle curiously.

"I don't think she ever met a caitian before," Hadenbeer noted, amused at her cat's hesitant body language.

"Hello Marta. I'm R'elle. Very nice to meet you! Oh she is absolutely beautiful!" She held out her hand for Marta to sniff so she could get to know R'elle.

Marta was a friendly cat, partly a product of her having the run of the ship and running into people all day, especially ones that that might just happen to have a treat on hand. Nevertheless R'relle was something new, which meant it took the cat a whole three seconds before deciding to push her head into the caitian's palm for a pet.

"Ohh you are a sweet girl aren't you? We're going to be great friends!" She said as she petted Marta."

"My niece likes to refer to my cat as my polar opposite," Hadenbeer noted wryly. She returned her attention to the crate, "You are probably wondering why I called you down here instead of meeting someplace more comfortable. Well, these crates were beamed up before we left, they are my personal belongings, things I had all but forgotten about. This crate...oh..."

"Is something wrong Captain?" R'elle asked

Hadenbeer did not answer, instead she slowly rose, a large transparent box in her arms. In the box was a model of an Ambassador class starship, her name was The Grant...

"The Grant. Was that a ship you served on Captain?"

"...Yes," Hadenbeer replied after a long moment, her eyes studying the model, "Five years. I was her Chief Tactical Officer, then second in command. I fell in love on her, was married on her bridge. It was possible, one could say likely, I might have commanded her eventually."

She gently set the case down, "I killed her."

"I see. Perhaps you'd better go into some detail about that Captain." This was obviously a big thing with the Captain and perhaps a good starting point.

Devin was silent for another long moment and it seemed she was prepared to refuse, when the cat jumped onto the case, almost causing the captain to drop it! Her face torn between grimace and grin, she set the case down and picked the cat up. Stroking it, she began.

"I was in command of the Lionheart A, she was an Akira class. The Grant had entered the Vought Nebula, a region bordering Gorn space. It was largely unexplored because of the contested borders between Federation and Gorn but curious signals had been detected so she went in. Captain Morais was in command, he had been my former Captain."

She sighed, "When Grant failed to respond to hails we were sent to find out what had happened. We found her in orbit around a planetoid, a probe had discovered an alien artifact on the surface that had transmitted some sort of...psychic pulse. To humans it scrambled their brains. For any telepaths it killed them outright. It had also played havoc with Grant's operating systems. We towed Grant free and were prepared to leave.

"Only we discovered the Gorn had decided now was a good time to invade the Federation. With all our attention on Cardassian reconstruction they thought we would not contest the lost of a system or two. Two Gorn battleships, a squadron of destroyers and a host of colonial vessels were sneaking through the nebula. I and Marta...Marta Wallan, my executive officer, conceived of plan; Lionheart would pin down the warships while our fighters disabled the colonials. We learned how to trigger the device on the planet, the plan was to activate it to disable the Gorn."

Her expression was bleak, "The device activated...but the Gorn were immune..."

"I see. That must be awful! I think I understand now. You took a gamble and it failed and it backfired. Now you feel guilty. That is natural Captain. There is no denying what happened. Captain, what you are going to have to do is forgive yourself. Not easy I know. In fact I expect it will be very hard. I am willing to help you Captain, if you would let me."

R'elle looked over at the cat. "Marta huh? Hmm I'm guessing this little lady was named after her. I am also guessing that the holocube on your desk was marta Wallen?"

"Her name was Marta Wallan," Devin said after a long moment, "And I was not done with my story. I was pausing to collect my thoughts, compose myself. May I finish, or do you have any more conclusions to jump to?"

R'elle let the barb roll of her. "Of course Captain. Please continue." R'elle also noticed the captain didn't answer the question. She and Marta wallen were obviously really close.

Devin seemed ready to snap off an acerbic retort, instead she paused and made an obvious effort to compose herself.

"The Gorn possessed some sort of immunity to the device's effects," Hadenbeer continued with the story, "Also their ships, built more ruggedly than ours, seemed more resistant as well. I realized that Lionheart could not fight off the force alone and the Grant was in no condition to render aid. Marta...Commander Wallan began to suggest a retreat."

Hadenbeer stared at the wall, "That was when I ordered Jack Sunbear to ram the lead Gorn vessel with the Grant," her smile was anything but amused, "To Jack's credit he barely hesitated when he acknowledged the command. The least disabled Gorn destroyer attempted to intercept and I ordered a full salvo of photon torpedoes into her. Eleven photon torpedoes into a ship without shields. She...came apart. The Grant slammed into the side of the lead battleship, Jack was transported off by the runabout crew at the last moment. As the battleship began to explode the other Gorn vessels were coming back online but by then Lionheart had crippled the other two destroyers. That just left us and Thunder Lizard. I had considered running, but Akira's have no rear facing armament, and without fighter cover..."

Devin shrugged, "I engaged Thunder Lizard. It was an ugly business, Counselor. Both ships took a terrible pounding. But then S'tayith received word his colony ships were floating dead in space. He withdrew."

The Captain sighed, "I served with some of the officers of the Grant for five years. I could name every one that attended my wedding. Not a single one of them will talk to me."

R'elle nodded, "I see. I can understand both sides of this. So do you think it's fair to say they are very upset about what you did with the Grant and perhaps feel betrayed? Perhaps even see you are some sort of monster. Captain?". Now R'elle didn't believe the Captain was a monster by any means but it would seem that perhaps her former friends did.

"The Grant was their home," Devin replied, "It was mine, for while. Had I still be serving on her and someone else had come along and turned it into a fire ship then yes, I suppose I would feel the same way. If that someone had been a stranger. But none of them saw my regret, my sense of loss! I was accused of being a glory hound, of wanting a magnificent victory."

She sighed, "I have run that battle through a hundred simulations to see what I could have done differently, based on the data I had at the time. Lionheart could not have taken on all those ships, even with fighter cover. I did what had to be done. If that makes me a monster in their eyes then I can live with that."

Her smile was bitter, "If I have learned anything about this life is that bit by bit everything is taken from you, Counselor. It grinds you down."

"Captain, you have been through a lot. It's a shame your friends have decided to treat you this way. I suspect they are suffering from their own wounds. I understand that you feel that so much has been taken away from you and I get the impression you are feeling very weary. You did what you had to do with the Grant. I know you regret having to do that! That just makes you human. You have been thought a lot.

"Captain, you feel you have lost a lot. However, you have a lot. You have a niece who looks up to you. You have a great ship with a crew that respects you.

"One thing I am concerned about. What about friends? Do you really have any friend besides Mr Jones? Everybody needs friends, a support system. People who are there for you? I know your former friends don't want you around. As you said that is their problem. However, you might consider opening up a little more. Or at least being open to new friends? I recommend thinking about it.

"I see you as a courageous woman who has been through more in one lifetime than any person should. I also see a captain who has had to make hard decisions in the past.

"You are a good person Devin Hadenbeer. The question is do you think you are a good person?" R'elle said."

"'Good' is a relative term," Hadenbeer replied after a moment, "I have done some...terrible things in my time, all for my crew."

The captain regarded the model of the Grant and picked up the case, she said, "This was a wedding gift from commander Dosier. Everything in this crate were wedding gifts. My husband divorced me, Counselor. All of this is just...refuse from a past life."

She tossed the case into the crate, something inside crashed, there was a tinkle like breaking crystal. Hadenbeer turned to the counselor, "I do not need more friends, than I already have, R'elle..."

She reached out and touched the wall with something akin to reverence, "...I have my ship."

Hadenbeer sighed, "I think that is all I have for you today, Counselor. I fear if we continue things might turn a bit...acrimonious..."

"No problem Captain. Please just think about what I said. The ship is wonderful but friends might be nice too. Anyway I'll leave it at that Captain." With the R'elle smiled at the captain and looked down at marta, "And you little lady. It has been a distinct pleasure/" She scratched the cats head a little bit more and then exited. It had been a good beginning. The captain had opened up a bit. She was quite pleased at this.

Devin sighed with something akin to relieve as the doors swooshed shut behind the counselor. She eyed the crate a moment, then walked over to the lid and replaced it. Making a note of the serial number along the side, she tapped her comm badge.

"Hadenbeer here," she hesitated, then smiled, "The one that happens to be Captain. I want the crate in cargo bay three marked See Aye Four slash Four Four Eight Aye to be disposed of immediately. Recycle the contents; I want nothing left."

After the acknowledgement Devin reached down and scooped up Marta, she hesitated and reached out to touch the wall once more. A curious smile upon her face, she departed the cargo bay...

 

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