Counseling Rayek

Posted on Thu Mar 14th, 2024 @ 4:51pm by Captain Linda Wilson & Lieutenant Commander R'elle & Lieutenant Commander Rayek trLhoell

3,932 words; about a 20 minute read

Mission: A whole new world
Location: R'elles office

It was time for Rayek's next counseling session. She always looked forward to it. She believed that Rayek was a good person and she would do her best to counsel him and help him heal. She also considered him a friend.

If only Rayek had such a positive mind set for the counseling sessions, things might fare better for him - but to the Romulan this was mandatory interrogation. The comparison wasn't that far off the mark. Much like an interrogator, the counselor dug for information that Rayek would rather keep withheld. Though counseling left fewer physical scars, they we were just as if not more painful than peeled back fingernails.

So far however, the Caitian R'elle seemed pleasant enough. Far more so than Dr. Judy Eastman, ever had been. And less demanding of him to make changes than the Klingon counselor, Beja. Mind you, he hadn't pushed R'elle, like he had Beja, into the path of the Chula game eliminator ball to save Tess from being taken out of the Wadi game. No, the counselor and everyone on board only knew him as the Romulan that Captain Hadenbeer had known and trusted. Right now, Rayek's concern was that during one of these sessions he would say something that would change how well he was accepted by the Lionheart crew.

Arriving at R'elle's office two minutes early, Rayek stepped into the door sensor's proximity before entering when the door open.

"Jolan'tru, Commander R'elle." he greeted with a slight nod.

"Jolan'tru Rayek. If you want something to eat or drink, you can get something before we start. If not have a seat and we will start!" R'elle said.

Rayek accepted the offer for a beverage and went to the counselor's office replicator. He ordered a glass of water, having already already had his quota of caffeine from his preferred Chai. Tess would have wanted him to limit himself and look after his health.

After sitting down in the same chair he had sat in during their last session, Rayek looked to R'elle. Her demeanor seemed quite content. He assumed then that her relationship with Commander Risa was going well. "So what would you like for me to talk to you about today?" he asked. Last session, he had left off his summary just after the Numati illusions and his first realization that Tess had an infatuation with him.

"Well let's start with how are things going for you?" R'elle asked.

Such a simple question, yet Rayek hesitated in his answer. He took a sip of water and then placed the glass down on the desk. After a long moment, he spoke. "Workwise, things are progressing. I expected far more animosity and resistance from the crew to working with a Romulan than I have experienced thus far. Which is surprising given how recently the events involving Praetor Shinzon took place." In his own dimension, he had the dubious benefit of most people feeling somewhat sorry over the loss of his family and planet.. so he was perceived as less of a threat. That wasn't the case here.

"Well, yes there is that but perhaps they are at the point where they don't see you as a Romulan but a member of the crew. You do a good job and you're a fair person. The crew respects you. I think that has a lot to do with it. So I heard something about some sort of dust up with a pair of Ventaxians that we brought aboard. What was that all about?"

"Oh that! Yes. Well, it appears that the dimension we arrived in has a far different view of Vulcanoids. They took one look at me and were frightened enough to lock themselves back into their escape pod and suggest we release them back to their fate in space. Rather than comply I had Elle beam them out to show that I was unarmed and not a threat. Unfortunately, instead the male dropped a smoke grenade, giving cover for the female to escape."

"I see. Well hoped everything turned out ok. So, it sounds like you are adjusting ok. The crew seems to respect you. Have you made any friends since last we talked?"

Counselor R'elle's optimism showed when she stated her impression of things as 'okay' and him as 'respected'. It wasn't just Lt Cmdr Wren and his sister that were afraid of him. Many of the Lionheart's crew had grown up hearing tales of Romulan trickery and deception. That they were less than pleased at his sudden arrival and rise up to co-Department Head was to be expected. But there was progress - as he had suggested to the counselor. It would just take time. He could be patient.

However, when Counselor R'elle asked if he made friends, Rayek expression soured. The question reminded him all too much of counselor Beja from his time on Katra and her attempts to have him befriend Toji, the freed Dord slave.

"No. I was not aware there was a requirement to 'make friends' in between counseling sessions. I am here to work and find a means back home to my wife and family - not to develop deep social and emotional connections that will have to be severed when I eventually leave." he stated outright. No doubt the counselor would see it differently. They always did.

"It was not but I had hoped that maybe you would make some friends. However, if you're not ready, then we shouldn't force it. However let me just say that if your avoiding making friends because you don't want to get hurt, that is a poor way to live and you'll just be stuck in your shell forever. So that said, let us begin. So anything in particular on your mind today?" R'elle asked.

Rayek's expression twitched at Counselor R'elle's statement that it was a poor way to live. He'd heard the same rhetoric from Dr. Eastman and Counselor Beja. He was just grateful that Counselor R'elle wasn't going to force social interaction upon him like the others had.

When asked if he had anything on his mind, Rayek hesitated answering openly; but she'd done as he'd asked last session... she hadn't introduced a topic but left it to him. This was his opportunity to confront the problem that he'd been struggling with.

"I haven't been sleeping well since being brought aboard. This has yet to affect my work," he assured her. "But there is a limit to how long even my Romulan physiology can go without restful sleep. I've attempted to deal with the issue myself through numerous means. Exhaustive exercise, meditation, aromatherapy. I've even loaded my evening meal diet with natural sedatives like turkey and chamomile tea. Yet while I am able fall asleep relatively easy. It does not last - and once awake in the middle of the night... it is impossible for me to return to sleep and I am restless."

"I see. Well that is a problem. Most of us do need sleep. Is there anything on your mind in particular? I know your family is always a concern. Anything else bothering you in particular?"

"No, that pretty much covers it. I know I usually wake from a disturbing dream, but the details of these dreams slip away upon consciousness. But I'll wake feeling anxious and sometimes quite frightened as if I fear my family is in danger and there is nothing I can do."

"Well, that's understandable. Why don't you tell me about the dreams. Perhaps that will help you." R'elle said.

Rayek frowned. He'd just said he didn't recall the details of these dreams. "I never remember them past waking. But afterwards, there is just this huge feeling of dread that lingers, which prevents me from returning to sleep. At most I get 3 hours - if that."

"I see. Well I'm sure Dr. Klarth could give you something to help you sleep. However that does not address the root cause. You are scared you'll never see your family again. I think that is quite understandable. Tell me what makes you so worried about it?" R'elle asked. "Is it that you don't trust the captain to get you back home?"

Rayek frowned at the suggestion of getting a prescription from Klarth. He had hoped to avoid that with all his home remedies - which weren't working. He had a past history of drug-dependency using Romulan beta-inhibitors to block his telepathic ability; so he was reluctant now to chance becoming dependent again on another drug - helpful though it was intended to be.

He too preferred to get to the root of the matter and agreed that it stemmed from his fear of abandoning his family.

At the counselor's request to tell her what made him so worried, Rayek paused to think - what was his fear? Yet before the Romulan could reply she continued and asked regarding his trust of the Captain. Rayek almost laughed. "Forgive my bluntness, Counselor R'elle - but there are very few that have earned my trust. And none in so short a time as I've been here. So no, I don't TRUST the Captain to get me back home. The Captain has many priorities that would easily override my request. She may want to help at the moment but I cannot rely on her or anyone else. It is something I have to make happen."


"That's fair enough Rayek. That's how you feel and I appreciate you telling me that! So how do you intend to accomplish that?" She asked.

"Well, thorough study of the dimension drive for one. It may be possible to alter a smaller craft with comparable technology. I've also considered various ways I might negotiate with the Vedala... since they seem to be able to bring people from other dimensions. It makes me wonder if my arrival here ahead of the situation is accidental at all."

Now that was an interesting supposition. She had never considered that. "That is a possibility Rayek. Perhaps not. Who can say? Dealing with the Vedala could be risky. How much are you willing to risk to get back home?"

Rayek's expression twitched at that question knowing that the counselor was concerned about what he might risky and be capable of to get home. It was a valid worry, but while Rayek might claim he would do anything, he knew full well that there was no way Tess would be at all okay if he were to harm others in doing so. "My own life and limb." He stated. "You need not worry that I will purposefully do anything to endanger either ship or crew. My wife's good influence will keep my actions in check."

"Of that I have no doubt Rayek. You are not a selfish person. However I do worry about you!. I worry that you might go too far in this pursuit and seriously hurt yourself or worse. It's quite understandable to want to get home, but you have to ask yourself at what cost?"

The counselor's concern, while appreciated, couldn't dissuade the Romulan. He had pushed himself through nine years without any family; now that he'd finally regained it, there was no way he would not do all he could, even to the point of risking himself, to return to those he loved. "The risk is worth the reward, Counselor."

"Well every man has to know his limits. Just keep this in mind. You're no good to your family dead. So what is your next step?" Obviously thoughts of his family were bothering him. He wanted to go home bad but the fact that it was keeping him up was a major issue. Maybe by talking about it she could relieve the pressure so to speak.


"While it is true that I am no good to them dead, I am also no good to them here. And if I do nothing - and risk nothing, then nothing will change and I will be truly stuck here, forever." Rayek pointed out almost logically.

The counselor's question regarding his next step, had him a bit confused. Were they still discussing his goal to return home? Or had she circled back to his issue with his lack of sleep? His answer he decided could fit for both. "My next step... as you call it... is to make lemonade from my sleeplessness. Since I can't sleep, I will continue to use that time to attempt to understand more fully the theory behind the dimensional drive."

"Well, the whole purpose of this is so we can help you sleep. If this keeps on you won't be able to function properly and Klarth will have to put you to sleep with a tranquilizer. I'd prefer that not to happen. So what would you say is your biggest worry right now Rayek." It seemed obvious but she wanted to hear from him. His not sleeping was something that needed fixing and she would do her best to do that!

When the counselor did indeed circle back to his lack of sleep issue, Rayek nodded his agreement. He wasn't particularly fond of the idea of being drugged into sleep. At her question, he looked at her wondering if she was even listening if he had to repeat himself. "I worry that my wife and son are in danger, and that I'm not there to protect them."

"Good. And you feel you are doing everything to get back to them. However, you are being kept awake at night which is not doing anyone any good. Rayek, is your wife a capable woman? Can she take care of herself and your son?"

Rayek frowned as the implication of her words hit him. "Yes. My wife is capable. More than capable! She's a Starfleet Captain after all." He pointed out. "It is not that I doubt that my wife can care for herself or my son in my absence... but I.." His frown deepened. "She shouldn't have to. I should be there."

Then there was a niggling thought, in the back of his mind; the awareness that every moment he was away, Padrini - his rival, was attempting to replace him in Tess' affections.

"Rayek, the universe is filled with 'Shouldn't have tos'. Don't worry about shouldn't have to. If she can take care of herself and your son then you should accept that they will be fine until you get back. If you constantly worry about 'shouldn't have to's' then you will drive yourself crazy." Noticing a look on Rayek's face, "Something wrong Rayek?" she asked. Not being telepathic she didn't know what but perhaps she found something. Maybe what was really bothering Rayek.

The counselor's advice to not worry, wasn't helpful. Her observation that continuing to do so would eventually drive him crazy, was equally unhelpful. But things topped off as officially unpleasant when the counselor must have seen something in his expression when his possessive and jealous thoughts had touched on how Padrini would be taking advantage of Rayek's absence.

"It's nothing."

"Really? Rayek, I need you to be straightforward with me for this to work. Is there a reason you think you should be protecting them? Is there a particular threat you are worried about?" R'elle asked.

He grimaced. "What? You mean other than the Thinkers and their warning of an impending threat to the entire galaxy? How about rumors that the Dominion is rebuilding? Or maybe a threat far more close to home - with the man replacing me as XO also attempting to steal my wife?"

~aha!~ she thought. ~Now were getting somewhere.~ "So, you feel your XO is trying to steal your wife? Tell me about this. Why do you think that?"

Rayek's grimace deepened, wishing he hadn't said a thing about it. "Because he's said as much to my face!? I'm not being paranoid about this, counselor. The man had dated Tess for a few weeks, in the past - back when both were just junior officers, and back when I had my attentions set on another. Tess, however, broke it off with him realizing her feelings were for me. He never got over her though, and each time I've been demoted he's threatened to my face to be there to comfort her when she finally 'sees my true colours' and leaves me."

The Romulan just thinking about Padrini and his threats, clenched his fists at his side. "The man is an opportunist and I would have transferred him to some other posting, if Tess would only allow me to, but Padrini an excellent doctor and she would not agree to my recommendations, saying I was letting my jealousy influence my decisions."

Rayek didn't see how recognizing a threat to his family's unity was considered jealousy. He didn't want what Padrini had; he merely wanted to keep Padrini from attempting to take what he cherished most from him.

"I see. So this Padrini is a bitter rival and you fear he will manage to get Tess away from you. He doesn't sound like Tess' type from what you told me about her. She loves you and you have a son together. That counts for a lot. Rayek, you can't let your fears control you. I know you love Tess. Perhaps you should think about what kind of person she is and would she really go with Padrini? It sounds like she would not do that." R'elle said.


"While you are correct that Tess loves me and would never betray the love we have; the fact remains that I am not there - and for all she knows I died during that field test." The Romulan referred to the incident which brought him to the Lionheart's universe.

"She knows, I would not want her to deny herself the opportunity to find love again." But he wasn't dead... and if he were he'd prefer she turn to anyone else other than Padrini. Areinnye, even Fells, Tess' former lover would be preferable than Padrini, who gloated each time Rayek slipped up, broke the rules and disappointed Starfleet and her.

Things had only just mended between them when THIS happened. 'How long would Tess search for him - or did she think him dead already?' he wondered.

"Yes I understand. However, She loves you. Your son loves you. You have to take comfort in that! Do you think she'd want you driving yourself crazy like this? I suspect that Tess sees this Padrini for the kind of person he is. I am gathering that you think Padrini is capable of attracting Tess? That she could actually love a person like that? I seriously doubt that she would be with a person like that! You can 'what if' all you like rayek, but what good does it do you?"

Rayek sighed at the counselor's words. She didn't know how close Tess and Padrini were. "Doctor, this is not a conscious or willful decision on my part to feel this way. I can no more cease my worries than I can cease how I feel towards my wife. It just is."

"I know it won't be easy! However, you need to work on it. Try to channel it to where it won't keep you up at night. Meditation and mental discipline can help! Rayek, I know you love you wife and son. I also understand it is natural to worry about them. I really do get it. It will take work but you need to do something to fix this or there might not be a you to get back to them! I have several meditation exercises I can recommend. I believe that you can alleviate some of the stress with these exercises. That is if you're willing!"

It was disappointing to hear the counselor suggest things he'd already mentioned that he'd tried, but rather than argue or point it out Rayek merely nodded his agreement. It couldn't make things worse. "I am willing. What do you want me to do?" Rayek, of course, was assuming that she would walk him through such meditations exercises she knew - right there, right then.

"Alright! So close you eyes and focus on your goal. Affirm in your mind that you will succeed. Also accept that there will be setbacks but accept them. Keep the goal in sight. Feel your families love and let it fill you . Know that they are with you in your heart! Let it put you put peace. You must work at this but know that they love you know matter what! You know in your heart they will always be a part of you! Just relax and focus on their love. Let it flow through you. Noone can ever take that away! Affirm in your heart that you will be reunited someday! Remember the bond you have with them and believe that!"

At the counselor's prompt, Rayek closed his eyes and tried to focus on his returning home. The lack of sight, almost immediately made him more aware of the sounds in the room - including the Caitian's quiet voice. At her direction to affirm his success, Rayek almost peeked an eye open towards her but managed to rein in the urge.

How does one affirm something they don't have any certainty of? He let out a slight frustrated sigh. However, since he had said he would try, Rayek mentally told himself that he would succeed in getting home. There would be set backs but he would accept them. The Romulan silently repeated in first-person all the affirming messages that the counselor asked of him.

'I know that they are with me in my heart. I know they will always be a part of me and that we will be reunited someday.'

Rayek honestly had his doubts regarding these statements but kept up repeating what the counselor suggested to him.

"It's natural to have doubts. However, I believe if you worry less about what might happen and focus on the here and now and how much you love your family, it will help. I am not saying it will fix everything. The doubts and the worries will still come but you can help lessen them to a great bit I feel if you try these techniques. Also talking about it can help a great deal which is why you are here now." R'elle said.

Her mention of doubts had Rayek almost wondering if she could read his mind - but then the meaning behind her words sunk in. Of course, it was natural to doubt... and he already knew that talking did help. He just needed to be able to open up a little and start putting some trust in the crew here. Not an easy thing for the rather paranoid and distrusting Romulan.

He kept his eyes closed and continued focusing on the affirming messages silently. His rigid posture relaxed after a moment or two as his affirmations led to pleasant remembrances of Tess and their son. A soft vibration at his side however interrupted this peaceful moment as his PADD alerted him to the end of the counseling session. He opened his eyes. "Thank you, counselor. I will practice this in my quarter later tonight and hope it helps."

"Good. Hope this helps. If you ever need to talk or whatever, let me know and I'll make time for you."

"Of course, counselor." Rayek offer a slight bow of his head as he stood up. "Until next session. Jolan'tru"

"Jolan'tru Rayek"




OFF Lt Cmdr Rayek tr'Lhoell

 

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